A prayer

Hi, God. It's just me. You know, Your everyday human. And I mean that as in I'm Your human that You see and think about everyday. Why, I will never know. I'm not sure why You choose to love us. It must hurt so much at times when we fall away or turn our backs on You. I'm sorry. Very sorry. But You are so faithful. You know what real love is. You are real love. Thank You for always being here for me. No matter how far. I stray, You always take me back. And You always pick me up.

           I feel very confused right now. About a lot of things. Sometimes it feels like everything. And I know that no one will understand very well. Except You. You always understand. Please guide me. Show me where You want me. What You want me to do. Or say. I just want to be with You really. If You tell me to give it all up, I will just to stay by You. That's where I belong. There's nothing else I want to do except follow Your heart. You know what's best anyhow. Sometimes I'm so confused. And I wonder if I even have a good reason to be.

          And I'm kind of lonely too. I'd like some friends. Some good friends. Close friends. If that's okay. Help me to always cling to You first. To never compromise You. But when You do give me some good, close friends, help me to be real, true friend to them. A friend like You. A faithful friend, who never leaves.

           I love You so much. Everything will turn out well. You have it in Your hands. Thank You so much. For everything. For Your unfathomable love.

           Your everyday human,
           Ashely, aka Nic G.



         

To try

           I played yesterday. So nervous. I thought I couldn't do it. But I stood backstage and remembered something. I didn't have to do it alone. I asked God to help me. To be there for me. I said, "God, I need You now." I realize I need to humble more often, and need God now. Because in reality, there is never and will never be a second that I won't need Him.

           And we did it! God and I did it. :) I love to know that I can say that.

          I've been really feeling kind of down lately because it seems no matter how hard I try, it's never enough. I still get bad grades. I still mess up. And sometimes I get weary of trying. I don't have enough strength for it anymore.

           But you know something? God is my hope. He is my strength, and He is my everlasting. He will be there to keep it together when I can't. And I know it'll work out somehow. My grades will get better if I keep sincerely trying. The light bulb will go on. And I'll mess up. But God will pick me back up and always give me a chance to do it better next time.

            And He gave me that hope yesterday on that stage with Him, my guitar, and me. That it'll be alright. Because I'm in His hands. And that's where I belong. And really, I don't want to belong anywhere else.

And so life goes

So not much is going on. Except that I stink at ear training. Intervals, chords, melodic dictation. All of it. It's the first class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and it sucks all the motivation out of everything. I've been using this website musicalmind.org to study with. I just did the melodic intervals but only the 2nds and 3rds. A part of me is rejoicing because I got a 60% instead of a 40%. And the other part of me is wonders if I'll ever get good at this stuff.

           I'm performing at the student recital tomorrow. A little nervous about that. No, very nervous about that. My brain just hasn't realized it yet. It's slow to fully process the impact of some things.

           I've realized though lately that I've been rely on myself and my circumstances to get me through things. I haven't been asking God to help with everyday things as often. I haven't been giving Him cares like I should. Instead I let it bother and I try to figure it out myself. And I didn't know I was doing this until recently.

           So I'm trying to trust Him more. To thank Him for everyday things. To ask Him to help me in everyday things. Because, believe it or not, the little things are the big things. Pretend that makes sense. To trust Him with my finances, my future, my study time, work time, in between time (that's usually reserved for breathing), my where-in-the-world-am-I-going. Just everything. And it's kind of hard. But it's nice to know that I belong to God. If nowhere else, I belong right in the middle of His hands where He will hold me close and guide my steps. And really, there's no other place I'd rather be.

         
                                                                                 

'Tick Tock' goes the clock

         Anthem Lights did release their new Covers 2 album. Oct. 29th, I think. Their new original album is coming up in the new year. Hurray!

         for King & Country has released a new single. Exciting, yes?

        Everyone is running around like mad because finals are soon. Jury is soon (it's like music major finals). And Christmas? My workplace set up Christmas decorations on Halloween! I'm disgusted with them. What happened to Thanksgiving? I just want to enjoy each day as it comes. Or deal with each day as it comes.

          Rushing is not something I do well. Normally I trip all over myself and make a mess out of everything. Realistically and metaphorically. It's not very pretty. But if you stand still, the world will spin right by you. Time is such an elusive thing.

          Sometimes I have to rethink my priorities. What really matters? Getting As are good. Progressing in my goals like learning more about music and guitar. Finishing the first draft to my book. Doing well at work is good too.

         Even though there's hardly enough time for all that. Isn't it more important to take time out for God? To really spend time with Him. And (maybe this sounds weird) let Him love you? To make time for other people? Family. Friends. People, in general?

         I think I've been slacking in some priorities.

      For a little change, how about some Steven Curtis Chapman? Old and new songs. Variety everything up, right? :D

         

random stuff

           Did you know-

           Anthem Lights will have a new album out soon?! No, I don't know the exact date. But the fact that they are. Original music by Anthem Lights. Yay!

           Did you know-
           They're also coming out with/ or already have come out with a second Covers album? That's pretty awesome too. :)

           Did you know-

           That I really don't know any of these release dates because the only way I even know this stuff is because I 'like' them on Facebook? Heh, I'm not on Facebook very often. (Who came up with the term 'like'? It sounds so ridiculous.)

           Did you know-

           For King & Country is also preparing album numero two?! I absolutely cannot wait, people! They are actually playing in Round Rock, TX this Saturday. Unfortunately, I will probably not be there. But I hope they have a great time in Texas anyhow. I've been listening to them a lot lately. And Switchfoot.

           But for now, I'm waiting for the computer to load some Anthem Lights songs.

           That's all for today. Consider yourself updated. Well, half updated. . . since, um, I'm didn't give you all the information. *cough* Sorry. :D

Too much at once

           My guitar instructor says I'm doing really well. Even though I would disagree with him. I think it surprised him that I had one of the estudios and its dynamics memorized. It's a shorter piece though, and memorizing it is way easier than reading the notes every time I try to play. The duet thing is getting better. Heh, I'm still the one making all the mistakes.

           I've only been playing guitar for a about a year though. Maye I'm being a little hard on myself. I'll admit, I never thought I'd be playing classical guitar this time last year. I wouldn't have thought I could do this. That I could be a music major.           

          I've been questioning if I should be majoring in music. I thought God wanted (should I be saying 'wants'?) me to. Should I be questioning myself? I feel like no one really believes that I can do it. They're all just waiting for me to realize it and say that maybe it's not for me after all. Am I just question myself because everyone else is? Or do I need to be questioning myself?

            Sometimes I feel like I'm the one behind everyone else. Everyone moves on with life and achieves things before I'm ever even close to the same stage. I'm the one everyone leaves behind.

          It doesn't help that a friend from work is leaving work now. Probably leaving town. He moves around a lot in general. I'll miss him.

           It makes me think about how much I've been wanting to look for a new job recently. And how much I'd rather not be here. In this town. At this college. It makes me feel even more restless than I already am.

           It has nothing to do with my family and friends. I love them so much. And I'll miss them all when one day I move away.

           A while ago, I felt empty and drained. I needed to spend more time with God. It was like I felt numb to Him, His love, and to other people. So I prayed about it. And now everywhere I turn, I see people hurting and lonely and in pain. I'm sad for them; I hurt for them. I asked God to let me feel something, and now I feel the sorrows of all the world. I don't know what to do with it all, except pray for them.

            And the more I see, the more restless I feel.

           I know none of this seems connected. But somehow it is. Maybe it's only connected because it's all going on in one individual. How can so much go on in one person? I feel like I'm not doing anything right.

           I talked to God about my restlessness. "Am I where You want me to be?"

           For some reason, I could just see Him smiling at me in that all-knowing way of His. Not patronizing. Lovingly. Like He knows it's all going to work out and He loves me even when I'm so confused and frustrated with myself.

           It was like He said, "You are exactly where I want you to be right now."
          
           And I said, "What? Where do You mean? At school? In music? At work? In this town? In seeing everyone's pain and hurting for them and loving them anyways? In my feeling of restlessness?"
          
           He just kept smiling and said, "In everything."
          
           Honestly, a part of me is still a little frustrated. "Why do You have to be so vague?" But then there's a part of me that truly is comforted by that. Maybe, maybe I'm doing something right. Somehow, I'm where God wants me even if it doesn't feel like it. If there's one thing I've learned, sometimes, most of the time, feelings are scheming liars. Truth is something you know. It's not something you feel.

           I really like this song by Switchfoot. With this feeling of restlessness, I've realized that the only restless feeling I have that is based on something I know, that I know, that I know. Something so true. It's that the only thing worth living for in this life is God. Being restless to know my Jesus more each day, to become closer to Him, and the hope of standing right beside Him and seeing Him face to face, that is the only stable thing in life. God is the only stable thing I need.


                                                                             

School

           I've been feeling really defeated recently.

           I have no idea what I'm doing in choir.

           My guitar instructor has me reading notes and playing a duet with someone. Yeah, it's not going to well. For me. But the other guy is good.

           I stink at Ear Training and I've been trying so hard to get better. And nothing seems to work. Intervals and melodic dictation hate me. I understand intervals in theory, but I can always tell them apart when listening to them. Minor 2nds and Major 2nds are easy. Normally I can get the minor and Major 3rds. The perfects sound alike, though I can distinguish bewteen octaves at least half the time. The rest: over my head. Let's just not talk about melodic dictation.

          We're supposed to have a sight-singing quiz soon too.

           I really love being a music major. I enjoy learning about music. I don't know if I could go back to being an English major. But it's really hard.

love and brokenness

Everyone is broken. It doesn't matter if someone's brokenness seems less dramatic than another person's. They're still broken. 

 Because everyone longs to be loved and wants to give love. But we're human. We mess up. We don't know the right way to love. But we try anyways with broken people left in our wake. 

We try so hard and search forever. But the only One who can show us how to love rightly, is also the only One who can satisfy our longing to be loved. He is the origin of real love. He's also the only One most people reject their whole life.

We want love. But we don't want to give in. Because we've been broken so many times before by false love. 

We don't have to afraid of God's love though. It's the real thing.Everyone is.

just the normal stuff. . . sort of

I keep disappearing. :P

Heh, I have a lot more studying to do this week. My guitar instructor is teaching me how to read music notes for the guitar. That's scary. And hard. And now I have to read sheet music for a duet. Ugh.

If I mess up by myself, that's one thing. But if someone else is in the mix and needs me to get it right too. . . Hello, pressure.

I've been doing this 30 day song challenge at my other blog. You post a different song every day for thirty days. The hard part is the every day part. You can check out here if you'd like.

When I finish doing it at [insert title here], I'll probably do it here at Life's Insanity with different songs.

The first choir concert is this Friday. And I'm on the front row. That's a little nerve-racking. But at least we're standing in our sections. That helps. 

Thank You God for today. For second chances. For third chances. For loving us despite ourselves. For loving us even when we don't love You back. You are so humble, so strong. Nothing can break Your love. You give life and hope. Thank You.

'Give this life away'

              Sorry I haven't been posting. I'm not sure what to post exactly. And I've been busy with school and trying to get enough rest.

            But I don't know. I haven't been spending enough time with God. I try. I read my Bible in the morning. I try to really think about what I've read and how it applies to me today. But sometimes I feel so drained and empty. So far away.

           And then I wonder what I'm doing anything for. Why have goals? Why try to accomplish something? Because I can't accomplish anything of worth outside of God. The biggest and best accomplishment is living for Him. Even if nobody knows (though somebody would if I really am living for Him), He knows and that's what matters.

           God is the only one worth living for. I just feel far from Him right now. I need to refocus on Him.




By the way this Anthem Lights' new song soon to be in their second album! Excitement all around, right?




          

Scribbles

            It's hard to believe in yourself when it feels like no one else does. Forget what you feel. And know that Someone always does and always will believe in you.

           You should expect to fight for the things that are worth fighting for.

                                                                                
                                                                            

Sorry for the silence

     It's been crazy. College. A cold. Clogging. Less work than needed. Practice? It fits somewhere. Hit and miss writing.

          But you don't want to hear about that. Then again, what do you want to hear about?

          Hm, I'll just write.

          About what?

thoughts a million miles away

on too many things than should exist

scattered far as the stars

one thing at a time

don't want to look

at the bigger picture

one step at a time

it's all that is bearable

one breath at a time

it's all that's possible

the night is clear

stars everywhere

the moon so bright

I know You're out there

and You're here

and You're going to work it out

Estatic

           I had something important to tell you yesterday. But it wasn't important enough to interrupt the day of blog silence in reverence of 9/11. You can read about the moment of silence at my college here.

           So today's news:

           Anthem Lights has reached their goal! They can make their new album! Isn't it exciting? They also reached over 1,000 backers (1,072), so they will, if I understand correctly, have a live stream of one of their songs. I'm mostly excited about the album though. I prayed about it when it came to mind. And I wonder what it was like for them? It had to be a big jump of faith. The whole ride through.

           And now to celebrate:

           So maybe the last one was The Muppets, but they always bring a good show when celebrating. Right?

                                                

Hop in the time machine

           I stumbled on this while looking through an Anthem Lights playlist, and found it rather funny. I'm sorry, but the beginning really makes me think of Blues Clues for some reason. :) It's back when they were the Yellow Cavaliers. I didn't know of them then. My friend, Chelsee, told me about them in a letter. And now, when it comes to Anthem Lights, and music in general, we 'get each other' when everyone else is like, "You two are weird." Perhaps. But weird is better than boring and no music.

"When I look at the stars"

I've been having a hard time really focusing on God lately. Talking to Him. Spending time with Him. Drawing closer to Him. On my way home from work, while listening to Anthem Lights' Can't Get Over, I wanted to just slow down and give God my time.

           I told Him, "You just feel so far right now."

           And it was like I could feel His presence with me, and He was saying, "When I feel far, I have never been nearer. I am the only thing you will ever need. I will always be your strength and keep-going. I will never leave you. And I will be close no matter you do or don't do." It was like a hug from God.

           Right now, so much just doesn't make sense. And after I practiced guitar tonight, I was feeling rather defeated. My guitar instructor is trying to help me improve my playing by showing me a different way to hold my guitar and to have better posture. He plays classical guitar, so the way he holds his guitar is different than most guitarists.

           I've tried his way. It feels awkward. But that could be just because I'm not used to it. When I practice I try alternating between his way and the way I usually do it. But it's too soon for me to tell which way is better for me. I really feel like I'm getting nowhere. I can't see many improvements in my playing since I've been working on the F chord and Forgiven by Skillet.

           Then I opened the back door to bring my dog inside. The stars were beautiful. I love the clear night sky. It was like God was telling me, "I made those for you. To light the darkness. To bring you awe and remind you of my might. That I'm never far away. That I am what you need me to be."

           And now that I think of it, I prayed just this morning that God would show me His love where it could be found. And He did; His love was in the stars, in the car ride home, in an Anthem Lights song. . . and a Switchfoot song.

           Right after I closed the door I went to the computer to find a song. Stars by Switchfoot. :) I didn't know all the lyrics or what it was called then, but it didn't take long to find out. It really describes how I've been feeling lately.

          And I even found a wonderful acoustic version. :)

        
Thank You, God, for this beautiful day. Thank You for opening my eyes to Your love. Thank You for being here. For loving me no matter. Who is man that You are mindful of him? Thank You for caring. It's very humbling. I love You back.

light-hearted, light-headed, and Locks of Love

(One day I will learn that short titles are better than long ones. . .)

           Today I got my hair cut. My hair is very thick, curly, red. Was very long. I like it long.

           Two years ago, I had cut it for Locks of Love. Twelve inches. And I wanted to grow it out and do it again.

           Locks of Love is an organization that makes and gives hair pieces to kids who have cancer or any other kind of illness that causes (or has side effects that cause) their hair to fall out.

           I finally had the chance to cut it again for them. Fourteen inches about, this time. I waited so I could give them more. My hair is so short! I love how light it is now. And I know I'll get used to the way it looks.

           Some people say to me, "I love you're hair; you'll share with me right? You have plenty for both of us." And than I think of the people who don't have hair, and not by their choice. What if that happened to me? It would take my self esteem down a lot (not that it's that great to start out with. . .). And then top it off with being ill. Dangerously ill.

      Yeah, I can share my hair. :)


   

        

           Yes, I've been listening to for King & Country. They're music is outstanding. They're lyrics meaningful; I love it when a song tells a story. They have amazing vocals. They're just amazing all around. What more can I say? :)

           Thank You, God, for this amazing day. Thank You for helping me on my piano quiz. I'm so excited! An A. Thank You for ear training class. It's loads of fun, even though I'm not very good at it. And for fun drives in the car with fK&C blasting loud. Love You back.

"I thank God for this day, for the sun and the sky, and my piece of apple pie. . ."

           So lately I've been kind of down. Feeling left behind. Alone. And definitely overwhelmed with the beginning of school.

           It's kind of killed some of my joy, I think. One of my co-workers asked if I was okay because I was "quiet sad." (she had to specify because I'm normally quiet) And I know one of my other co-workers knew I wasn't feeling well, because she was trying help me out and kept giving me this concerned you-are-not-yourself-today look. One of the customers even asked me, "Are you sure you're okay? You look different today. Like not yourself."

           It's really nice to know that people care. And they know how I normally act and can notice when something's wrong. Even the customers. I was grateful for their concern. And if they hadn't said something. I may not even be aware that there was something wrong with me. I'm not always so well attuned to my own emotions. It used to take me forever to realize when I was lonely or stressed or sad about something. I'll know what I'm feeling, but I won't know why. Usually I have this moment when I think, "What is wrong with me?"

           I think I really need to thank God for what I do have. What I can do. And not focus so much on the negative. Because God has done a lot amazing things for me. For everyone. So I decided that each day I would write a thank You to Him in the morning and when I go to bed.

           And I'll post some of them when I think about it. The joy of the Lord is my strength.

           Thank You God for Your Word. That it is ever and always true. That I can stand on it. On Your promises. Thank You that I have work today. And thank You for sparkly blue shoe laces. Love You back.

"Today is not my day"

           Yesterday, well. . . it didn't go so well.

           To start it off, when I arrived at the college in the morning, I kind of dented the corner of someone's truck in the morning. I left a note on the windshield.

          Ear training was my first class. Everybody was really quiet. One of the students is very friendly; he talks to everyone. I knew he looked up and smiled at me when I came in, but I didn't look back at him. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. Once I sat down, he said, "Everyone's in such a bad mood this morning." Someone else said that it was just too early (9:30a, that's not bad really), but I knew what he meant.

          The whole day featured me making mistakes, large and small, and getting lost in choir and piano. It just wasn't the best of times.
          
           My car insurance is probably going to go up. And we're already trying to figure out how to pay for my ambulance and hospital bill from when I totaled my car.
         
            It's one of those times when I think I can't do anything right. I just keep failing over and over again. 
             
           My Dad tried to cheer me up. And he said I should praise God even when I don't feel like it. And he's right. I should. I still feel bad about the truck. But things will get better. God has it under control. He'll take care of me.

           And I know God is with me through the whole day. There's things He does every day just to make people smile. Just because He loves them. No matter how bad they mess up. He doesn't care.

           For instance, that guy who smiled at me. God wanted to cheer me up. And I turned Him down. I have a friend from work who is also in choir. We sat next to each other. She always makes things fun. And it's hard to have feel sorry for yourself when you're around her.

           Now she isn't a Christian, but God can use people who aren't Christians too. They don't know, and He probably doesn't do it often or to a large degree. But He does. In the Bible, He warned Pharaoh  that there was going to be a famine. Pharaoh didn't fear God at that time. But God was going to protect his lands (and help Joseph out). He used Pharaoh's preparedness for the famine to help Joseph's family and reunite them. And He didn't give the dream to Joseph or someone who feared God. God gave the dream to Pharaoh himself. What about Nebuchadnezzar and all his dreams? Or Cyrus king of Persia? He ordered the temple of the Lord to be rebuilt and for the exiles of Israel to return to Jerusalem.

           I digress. Forgive me.

           Then of course my Dad tried to cheer me up too. He spent some time with me (part of the time he actually didn't talk, it was amazing). :) That was nice. And he bought me gummy bears on his way home for work.

           God is always here. And I'll praise Him no matter what happens.

"Some days I'm feeling like
I can't win can't get it right
Don't matter how hard I try
Today is not my day

When it feels like I'm going crazy
And it looks nothing's changing
Come sun, come rainy day
You are still the same. . ."

-Chris August, Center of It


                                                                           

Life without VeggieTales?

Inconceivable!




The Thankful song. :)
  

                                                                                                                                                                            What kind of person doesn't love his lips?




And my favorite silly song. :)

Maybe it helps when you have younger siblings and help in kids church often.

                                                                                 

Calm before the Strom

           Sorry I haven't posted as frequently. College started up this week. And with my major change. Yes, I'm learning a new language. Music. It's nice.

           So far theory hasn't been too bad. I'm still having trouble recognizing notes. But half of what we've gone over I studied for my placement test. And the half- I take a lot of notes. But my textbook has yet to arrive in the mail. *sigh* The last book.

           Yesterday was ear training and sight singing. Haven't gotten to the singing part yet. Agonizing suspense. I'm sure once the ice is broken and I've attempted to sing in front of others a couple times it won't be so bad. Now the writing notes while our instructor plays part. That was yesterday. And the first time, I missed everything. I'm not sure if I could have written any worse than I had. But the second time. I got most of it on the first try! I was so proud of myself. I actually got something. But it was simple notes. It will be getting more difficult soon. I'm bracing myself.

          Piano. So far not bad. I don't already play, but we just worked on posture and then note identification. These class overlap often, which helps ingrain in it the brain better. :) Maybe that's why they're all like one or two credits only. But again, I'm anticipating it to become harder.

          So I really, really need to work on note identification. And piano practice. As well as guitar. I have yet to have my guitar lesson yet though. I'm extremely excited. . . and nervous about it! Tomorrow. One more day! I can't wait. :)

           Now choir is another story. Uh, I'm already lost. They started with scales. Hm. Yes, explain this to me again? No, there's no explain. Just sing with everyone else like you know what you're doing and you'll get it eventually. *gulp* Or we hope so at least. Then there's soprano and alto. (the only reason I know the difference between soprano/alto/tenor etc. is because I asked a friend the day before school.) I'm not sure which one I am. Technically we aren't divided into sections yet. . . But it kind of sounds like we are. I'll get this. One day.

           Next time. I'll try to post something more interesting. :P Like a song maybe.

"You meet me right where I am"

One of the first CDs my parents got me when I turned fifteen, fourteen maybe, was a Zoegirl album called Room to Breathe. That was one of the first times music was so relevant to the circumstances in my life. I listened to that album all the time, knew all the words to every song. It helped bring me closer to God, in time when I striving so hard to be closer to Him. I love it when God gives you a whole album you can relate to.

           In 2010ish, I picked out a CD from the huge stack of albums we have in the living room. (Tons of older artists my mom used to listen too, like Kim Boyce and David Meece, WOW CDs, and a million Carmen albums, grew up listening to him, and possibly more Steven Curtis Chapman.) It happened to be Steven Curtis Chapman's Speechless. This may be the album he's most known for. I listened to that whole thing all the time. It was like the last verse of for King and Country's Crave 'You [God] meet me right where I am.' We even had the book that accompanied it (I think I finished it). That CD helped me through a lot of uncertainty in my life. I graduated that year. 'Whatever' was my slideshow song.

           I've been kind of looking for a new album that I can relate with. My mom came into my room a month or so ago and said that she had bought one of Building 429's albums. Listen to the Sound. So I kinda, may have. . . confiscated the CD. I've seen them in concert twice. They're really good. The first song I heard them sing at WinterJam has been forever stuck in my mind. I'm glad I know all the words now. :) Made For You. Especially the break:

You are God. There is no other.
I won't bow before another.
I was made for,
I was made for You.

           It will just play over and over in my mind at random times. It's a good reminder. And, maybe, it's something God is trying to teach me. That He is God. He alone is God. I can't place anyone else in my life higher than Him. And if I do, life becomes empty, because I was made for Him. And, honestly, that is so nice to know.

           I don't have a boyfriend, never have. And sometimes I would like to have someone special in my life, and sometimes I'm glad I don't. I know I'm not ready for that yet. But now that I'm twenty-one, my parents seem to be. . . I don't know, not panicked, but, hm, concerned maybe? That I've never had anyone special and there's really no one around whom I'm interested in. And sometimes the way that they talk makes it seem like they think all I'm good for is to be married off and then have more kids. And I know they don't mean it that way. They really don't. That's just the impression that I get. And I know it's not true. It's just lies, and I shouldn't let it bother me. But sometimes, it does anyways.

           Maybe God wants me to run toward Him and not be distracted by anything else right now. Because I was made for Him. More than likely marriage and a family is a part of His plan, and I'm good with that. But God is my main goal. He always will be. And maybe I need to re-focus on Him more. As single young adult girl it's easy to lose sight of that. Maybe for single young adult guys too. (Isn't that what people are calling us now? Young adults?) Especially when I see all my good friends married or engaged or at least with someone. And the whole world insists you must have someone or you're a misfit and get left behind.

           I was made for God. Made to please Him. To bring Him glory. And I enjoy doing that (even though it does get challenging, a lot). And I know it will please Him if I wait for that person that He has planned for me to be with. So I will. And while I do so, I'll continue and will always continue to pursue my main objective: to love God with all my heart, mind, and soul. To know Him. To live for Him. To worship God with all that is in me.


 

         

                                                                               

The F Chord- Again

           I'm learning to play Forgiven by Skillet. Hopefully I have the rhythm correct. I love this song. The lyrics are easy, and I love to worship with it. Also I know all of the chords fairly well, except for the F chord.

           Well, I know how to play an F chord. But changing from one chord to an F chord? Successfully without any buzzing or muffled strings? Uh, no. But song has a lot of chord changing, so I'm getting my practice in. I found it interesting that the song's chords are mostly C, G, F, and with a little Am. My Dad told me once that my grandpa says you can play most all songs if you know C, G, and F. It's proving to be good advice.

           The chord change is really fast. I finally get my fingers all in the right place, and then I have to change again. I've been working on it for a while, and I can tell that I've progressed some. But still. . . I feel like I'm in a rut. Because I've been trying to perfect this song for the last month or so.

            Sometimes I just drop the song and practice changing the chords instead. Try to find better or faster ways to get my fingers in the right place at the right time. Unfortunately my C chord now buzzes annoyingly, when before I had it down well.

           I did find out that if I stretch my fingers farther apart it normal sounds better, than if I try to keep them close together. Makes sense, since they're all on different frets. Even though my fingers are long, they don't much like parting company. Well, they'll have to get used to it.

           And I've been practicing the F bar chord. Heh, I kind of play the cheater's version now for Forgiven. But I will get there. One day. . .

           So my practice time has been frustrating recently. It's hard to enjoy it. To relax and unwind with it like I used to. Perhaps I try too hard. Maybe it's possible to be over-determined. For some reason I feel behind, like I should've gotten this down by now, so I'm afraid to take a break.

           But last night I played outside. The night was cool and beautiful. With a hint of creepy. I knew the night could be loud, but I wasn't expecting that much noise from the woods. A couple times I could've been certain something watched me from trees. But I played on. It had to be my imagination.

           I let myself try to play other songs. Ones I didn't have the tabs for, but I tried to recall by memory and see if I could come up with something. It was fun, even though I knew I wasn't playing it correctly. It was like I had to give myself permission to mess up. That it was okay to just have fun with it. I alternated between that, practicing Forgiven, and the F bar chord. Definitely less stressful.

          I know the lyrics fairly well, and have played along with Forgiven on my ipod. My timing was better than I had expected on the chorus and my changing chords has improved some in the chorus. So I got brave and tried singing along with it. And I was really surprised-

          I could actually do it! Without messing up on the strumming. Not that I'm great at singing, but- Wow, I could sing and play simultaneously! I had been sure I couldn't do it in a million years. Shows what I know. I was so excited! That helped take away some frustration too. I still can't sing the whole song without losing the strumming pattern (the chorus' pattern is rather easy). All the same, now I know it's not near impossible. I'm actually feeling rather encouraged.

           And just in time, I had been so discouraged because it was taking me awhile to get Forgiven down. And the F chord. God sends you surprises at just the right time.

          I signed up for guitar private instruction this semester. Today my teacher called me about when to meet with me and talk about what we'll be learning. He's trying to convince me to be a part of guitar ensemble. I really want to. I need to be around other people who play guitar. Share in musical comradeship. :) But I need to work too. So I'll pray about it. 

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