A prayer

Hi, God. It's just me. You know, Your everyday human. And I mean that as in I'm Your human that You see and think about everyday. Why, I will never know. I'm not sure why You choose to love us. It must hurt so much at times when we fall away or turn our backs on You. I'm sorry. Very sorry. But You are so faithful. You know what real love is. You are real love. Thank You for always being here for me. No matter how far. I stray, You always take me back. And You always pick me up.

           I feel very confused right now. About a lot of things. Sometimes it feels like everything. And I know that no one will understand very well. Except You. You always understand. Please guide me. Show me where You want me. What You want me to do. Or say. I just want to be with You really. If You tell me to give it all up, I will just to stay by You. That's where I belong. There's nothing else I want to do except follow Your heart. You know what's best anyhow. Sometimes I'm so confused. And I wonder if I even have a good reason to be.

          And I'm kind of lonely too. I'd like some friends. Some good friends. Close friends. If that's okay. Help me to always cling to You first. To never compromise You. But when You do give me some good, close friends, help me to be real, true friend to them. A friend like You. A faithful friend, who never leaves.

           I love You so much. Everything will turn out well. You have it in Your hands. Thank You so much. For everything. For Your unfathomable love.

           Your everyday human,
           Ashely, aka Nic G.



         

To try

           I played yesterday. So nervous. I thought I couldn't do it. But I stood backstage and remembered something. I didn't have to do it alone. I asked God to help me. To be there for me. I said, "God, I need You now." I realize I need to humble more often, and need God now. Because in reality, there is never and will never be a second that I won't need Him.

           And we did it! God and I did it. :) I love to know that I can say that.

          I've been really feeling kind of down lately because it seems no matter how hard I try, it's never enough. I still get bad grades. I still mess up. And sometimes I get weary of trying. I don't have enough strength for it anymore.

           But you know something? God is my hope. He is my strength, and He is my everlasting. He will be there to keep it together when I can't. And I know it'll work out somehow. My grades will get better if I keep sincerely trying. The light bulb will go on. And I'll mess up. But God will pick me back up and always give me a chance to do it better next time.

            And He gave me that hope yesterday on that stage with Him, my guitar, and me. That it'll be alright. Because I'm in His hands. And that's where I belong. And really, I don't want to belong anywhere else.

And so life goes

So not much is going on. Except that I stink at ear training. Intervals, chords, melodic dictation. All of it. It's the first class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and it sucks all the motivation out of everything. I've been using this website musicalmind.org to study with. I just did the melodic intervals but only the 2nds and 3rds. A part of me is rejoicing because I got a 60% instead of a 40%. And the other part of me is wonders if I'll ever get good at this stuff.

           I'm performing at the student recital tomorrow. A little nervous about that. No, very nervous about that. My brain just hasn't realized it yet. It's slow to fully process the impact of some things.

           I've realized though lately that I've been rely on myself and my circumstances to get me through things. I haven't been asking God to help with everyday things as often. I haven't been giving Him cares like I should. Instead I let it bother and I try to figure it out myself. And I didn't know I was doing this until recently.

           So I'm trying to trust Him more. To thank Him for everyday things. To ask Him to help me in everyday things. Because, believe it or not, the little things are the big things. Pretend that makes sense. To trust Him with my finances, my future, my study time, work time, in between time (that's usually reserved for breathing), my where-in-the-world-am-I-going. Just everything. And it's kind of hard. But it's nice to know that I belong to God. If nowhere else, I belong right in the middle of His hands where He will hold me close and guide my steps. And really, there's no other place I'd rather be.

         
                                                                                 

'Tick Tock' goes the clock

         Anthem Lights did release their new Covers 2 album. Oct. 29th, I think. Their new original album is coming up in the new year. Hurray!

         for King & Country has released a new single. Exciting, yes?

        Everyone is running around like mad because finals are soon. Jury is soon (it's like music major finals). And Christmas? My workplace set up Christmas decorations on Halloween! I'm disgusted with them. What happened to Thanksgiving? I just want to enjoy each day as it comes. Or deal with each day as it comes.

          Rushing is not something I do well. Normally I trip all over myself and make a mess out of everything. Realistically and metaphorically. It's not very pretty. But if you stand still, the world will spin right by you. Time is such an elusive thing.

          Sometimes I have to rethink my priorities. What really matters? Getting As are good. Progressing in my goals like learning more about music and guitar. Finishing the first draft to my book. Doing well at work is good too.

         Even though there's hardly enough time for all that. Isn't it more important to take time out for God? To really spend time with Him. And (maybe this sounds weird) let Him love you? To make time for other people? Family. Friends. People, in general?

         I think I've been slacking in some priorities.

      For a little change, how about some Steven Curtis Chapman? Old and new songs. Variety everything up, right? :D