Scribbles

            It's hard to believe in yourself when it feels like no one else does. Forget what you feel. And know that Someone always does and always will believe in you.

           You should expect to fight for the things that are worth fighting for.

                                                                                
                                                                            

Sorry for the silence

     It's been crazy. College. A cold. Clogging. Less work than needed. Practice? It fits somewhere. Hit and miss writing.

          But you don't want to hear about that. Then again, what do you want to hear about?

          Hm, I'll just write.

          About what?

thoughts a million miles away

on too many things than should exist

scattered far as the stars

one thing at a time

don't want to look

at the bigger picture

one step at a time

it's all that is bearable

one breath at a time

it's all that's possible

the night is clear

stars everywhere

the moon so bright

I know You're out there

and You're here

and You're going to work it out

Estatic

           I had something important to tell you yesterday. But it wasn't important enough to interrupt the day of blog silence in reverence of 9/11. You can read about the moment of silence at my college here.

           So today's news:

           Anthem Lights has reached their goal! They can make their new album! Isn't it exciting? They also reached over 1,000 backers (1,072), so they will, if I understand correctly, have a live stream of one of their songs. I'm mostly excited about the album though. I prayed about it when it came to mind. And I wonder what it was like for them? It had to be a big jump of faith. The whole ride through.

           And now to celebrate:

           So maybe the last one was The Muppets, but they always bring a good show when celebrating. Right?

                                                

Hop in the time machine

           I stumbled on this while looking through an Anthem Lights playlist, and found it rather funny. I'm sorry, but the beginning really makes me think of Blues Clues for some reason. :) It's back when they were the Yellow Cavaliers. I didn't know of them then. My friend, Chelsee, told me about them in a letter. And now, when it comes to Anthem Lights, and music in general, we 'get each other' when everyone else is like, "You two are weird." Perhaps. But weird is better than boring and no music.

"When I look at the stars"

I've been having a hard time really focusing on God lately. Talking to Him. Spending time with Him. Drawing closer to Him. On my way home from work, while listening to Anthem Lights' Can't Get Over, I wanted to just slow down and give God my time.

           I told Him, "You just feel so far right now."

           And it was like I could feel His presence with me, and He was saying, "When I feel far, I have never been nearer. I am the only thing you will ever need. I will always be your strength and keep-going. I will never leave you. And I will be close no matter you do or don't do." It was like a hug from God.

           Right now, so much just doesn't make sense. And after I practiced guitar tonight, I was feeling rather defeated. My guitar instructor is trying to help me improve my playing by showing me a different way to hold my guitar and to have better posture. He plays classical guitar, so the way he holds his guitar is different than most guitarists.

           I've tried his way. It feels awkward. But that could be just because I'm not used to it. When I practice I try alternating between his way and the way I usually do it. But it's too soon for me to tell which way is better for me. I really feel like I'm getting nowhere. I can't see many improvements in my playing since I've been working on the F chord and Forgiven by Skillet.

           Then I opened the back door to bring my dog inside. The stars were beautiful. I love the clear night sky. It was like God was telling me, "I made those for you. To light the darkness. To bring you awe and remind you of my might. That I'm never far away. That I am what you need me to be."

           And now that I think of it, I prayed just this morning that God would show me His love where it could be found. And He did; His love was in the stars, in the car ride home, in an Anthem Lights song. . . and a Switchfoot song.

           Right after I closed the door I went to the computer to find a song. Stars by Switchfoot. :) I didn't know all the lyrics or what it was called then, but it didn't take long to find out. It really describes how I've been feeling lately.

          And I even found a wonderful acoustic version. :)

        
Thank You, God, for this beautiful day. Thank You for opening my eyes to Your love. Thank You for being here. For loving me no matter. Who is man that You are mindful of him? Thank You for caring. It's very humbling. I love You back.

light-hearted, light-headed, and Locks of Love

(One day I will learn that short titles are better than long ones. . .)

           Today I got my hair cut. My hair is very thick, curly, red. Was very long. I like it long.

           Two years ago, I had cut it for Locks of Love. Twelve inches. And I wanted to grow it out and do it again.

           Locks of Love is an organization that makes and gives hair pieces to kids who have cancer or any other kind of illness that causes (or has side effects that cause) their hair to fall out.

           I finally had the chance to cut it again for them. Fourteen inches about, this time. I waited so I could give them more. My hair is so short! I love how light it is now. And I know I'll get used to the way it looks.

           Some people say to me, "I love you're hair; you'll share with me right? You have plenty for both of us." And than I think of the people who don't have hair, and not by their choice. What if that happened to me? It would take my self esteem down a lot (not that it's that great to start out with. . .). And then top it off with being ill. Dangerously ill.

      Yeah, I can share my hair. :)


   

        

           Yes, I've been listening to for King & Country. They're music is outstanding. They're lyrics meaningful; I love it when a song tells a story. They have amazing vocals. They're just amazing all around. What more can I say? :)

           Thank You, God, for this amazing day. Thank You for helping me on my piano quiz. I'm so excited! An A. Thank You for ear training class. It's loads of fun, even though I'm not very good at it. And for fun drives in the car with fK&C blasting loud. Love You back.

"I thank God for this day, for the sun and the sky, and my piece of apple pie. . ."

           So lately I've been kind of down. Feeling left behind. Alone. And definitely overwhelmed with the beginning of school.

           It's kind of killed some of my joy, I think. One of my co-workers asked if I was okay because I was "quiet sad." (she had to specify because I'm normally quiet) And I know one of my other co-workers knew I wasn't feeling well, because she was trying help me out and kept giving me this concerned you-are-not-yourself-today look. One of the customers even asked me, "Are you sure you're okay? You look different today. Like not yourself."

           It's really nice to know that people care. And they know how I normally act and can notice when something's wrong. Even the customers. I was grateful for their concern. And if they hadn't said something. I may not even be aware that there was something wrong with me. I'm not always so well attuned to my own emotions. It used to take me forever to realize when I was lonely or stressed or sad about something. I'll know what I'm feeling, but I won't know why. Usually I have this moment when I think, "What is wrong with me?"

           I think I really need to thank God for what I do have. What I can do. And not focus so much on the negative. Because God has done a lot amazing things for me. For everyone. So I decided that each day I would write a thank You to Him in the morning and when I go to bed.

           And I'll post some of them when I think about it. The joy of the Lord is my strength.

           Thank You God for Your Word. That it is ever and always true. That I can stand on it. On Your promises. Thank You that I have work today. And thank You for sparkly blue shoe laces. Love You back.