Hard day

  It's been a while since I posted. Sorry about that. Life doesn't like to be merciful. :P I have school, writing, editing, packing, and guitar to catch up on.
        My day has been crazy. Fundraising for clogging, out in the cold. I despise fundraising. My amp wouldn't work either. So I had to do a little experimenting. Is it the adapter? The cord? Tonight my Dad figured it out. I'm going to need a new ipod. Oh, joy. Just what I want to do. Go buy another expensive item. How am I supposed to save for a car?
        Then I had to get ready for work. I was a little late. And I was feeling down because my clogging class didn't really participate in the fundraiser like I had hoped and. . .it didn't go really bad, but it could have been better. Let's just say, I was feeling very un-thought-of. And just my general unhappy as of late. I almost walked into work with my plaid shoes on! Honestly, our uniform could use a little fun. Jeans at least. But I would've been in so much trouble. Because we are supposed to be in "all black from the waist down." My blue and orange plaid shoes would stick out like a yellow duck among pure white swans. I had three minutes to dress in my work clothes and clock in. Then someone talked to me. But it was actually okay. Well, sort of. I clocked in five minutes late. I did apologize. And they didn't care. I'd be kicking myself if they did care. You see the person I talked with made my day brighter. A little less stressed, and I could smile. Well, until the exhaustion geared in, but that's a different story. A long story of staying up late and waking up early. Yeah, I should do something about that. Like sleep in? :)
          You are probably tired of reading posts like this. "Oh, here is how my day is. How awful it is. How bad I feel." Not the best picker-upper. I don't know why I am having a hard time being happy. Really. Philippians says to rejoice in the Lord. I've been wondering. Can I rejoice in the Lord and still feel unhappy (again with the stupid emotions)? I've come to think that it is possible. Because although I don't feel alright now. I know it's just a season. I know it will pass. That God will bring me through this. Whatever this is. That He has given me new life. I thank Him greatly for that. I have a hope. My hope is in Jesus. In His promises. I tried to force myself to be happy. Or choose to be happy. It doesn't work very well. But I can still rejoice. I still thank my God for being here for me. For loving me anyways right here, right now. He sends me notes that say, "You're not alone," "I"m thinking about you," "I love you," by sending people who make me smile when I'm down, who sit with me outside in the cold alone fundraising, who even though they don't know me  and can't fix my sound system problem they are still kind-spoken. God knows every single second that passes in my day, and He's got it all covered. Covered by His love and grace. It's really amazing. So I am feeling thought-of. Thought of from God. :) That's the best feeling ever.

          So someone offered me a job today. Yeah, that's part of the stress too. It's a better job. In many ways. Most important, it's more flexible. I might actually be able to tutor English next semester at the college and work this one job. If I want to be an editor, the tutor would be good experience. I hope at least. The only thing is I'm just getting used to the job I have now. And there are some people I know I would miss. That's what happened to my other/first job. Someone offered me something better just when I was getting comfortable. And now I really miss all the people I worked with. From this job, I won't miss as many people. But some? Yes, very much so. And does God really want me to move? Again? I guess I'm supposed to break out of my comfort zone. But wouldn't I need a comfort zone first? Oh, well. I'll probably take the job. My parents are already talking like I'm going to take it. I haven't told them for sure that I am. :P They did that last time too. But this time I'm more sure, myself, that I'll probably take it. The bad side: I dread the two weeks after my notice. But, hey, it's only two weeks, right?
         This post is the longest ever. And you're probably either asleep at the screen or you've stopped reading a long time ago. If not, then thank you for putting up with my oh so brief life update. Yours is probably equally if not more menacing? How are you? Feel free to leave a comment. I'd love to read about what ever you want to write about. Go ahead. Spill out your life tragedies.
         So how are you?

the effects of a busy life

2-20-2013     9:37p
      
         I'm tired. And I feel run down.
         I did get to go to church tonight! That was good. :) I usually have work on Wednesday nights, but I was scheduled earlier in the day. I'm so glad. And I got my b-day gift. Sssh. I hope he likes it. I actually picked something out for him instead of getting him a gift card. If he doesn't like it, he can always exchange it. But you can't say I didn't try. I also filled the car with gas. Not all the way. That would have been extremely expensive. But I did put something in it. I was trying to be all secretive and nice-thing-to-do-while-nobody's-looking and, and my mom just had to ask, "Did you put gas in the car?" You can't get anything by her. It's like a sixth sense of hers or something. If there's a surprised to be spoiled, she's sure to uncover it. But it wasn't all disappointment. It is kind of nice to be noticed sometimes.
        At church someone brought their puppy. He was so cute. :) I held him in the back throughout the whole lesson. He shook at first. But then he sniffed my face and licked me a bit and that seemed to calm him down. That and it was rather cold. What do I mean 'was'? It IS cold. Anyways. Then he fell asleep in my arms. Sometimes I wish someone would hold me and I could fall asleep in their arms.
         I suppose I do have someone. God holds me every night. It's actually a really beautiful thing to know when I really think about it and let it set in. I'll be honest though, sometimes it doesn't feel like He's holding me and loving me all the way. And, you know what? Sometimes I need to tell my feelings to go drown. Because feelings are the largest liars on the face of this planet. It doesn't matter if I don't feel God with me. He's here with me and everyone whether we feel Him or not. And knowing it, that He is all I need, that He will be everything I need, that He will never leave me behind or alone, that He will cry with me, He will laugh with me, He will find some way to make me smile when I feel down, He makes the very sun rise for us. That is a knowledge truer than any feeling and it gives a peace that overwhelms both understanding and emotions. God's carrying me. And He will carry you through whatever you're going through. If only you let Him. That's the hard part. Letting Him. Hard for me at least.

Changes

2-19-2013     8:49pm exactly

         I corrected the time and date, but it's still fun to write up there. I'm so tired. It's ridiculous. Life is too busy. I'll survive, right? I have to stop occasionally and ask God to just take it all and give me peace instead. "God, I lay it all on Your lap. Give me the joy and strength to live it out for You." Sometimes I feel like there's no time to breathe. Like the business whirls around so fast it suffocates me. My family. Everyone. Why does everyone have to live in a rush and a whirlwind?
         But that's not what I was going to say. What I meant to say was my 'serious' writer's blog has officially been launched! Hurray! You can find it at [inserttitlehere].blogspot.com. Sorry, I tried to make it a link. But the computer doesn't like me much today. :P  That is the real title. Although the page and layout is still under construction. I should get to that.
         I've considered changing this one up a bit also. It seems there are a lot of blogs out there under the name of 'little nothings.' I could call it 'Night Owl Nook,' since it always seems to be the evening when I post. Although if I call it that, than I will undoubtedly have this strange urge to post in the daytime. Don't things always work that way? Oh, well. I'd change the layout though. Hopefully not too dramatically. I'll work on [insert title here] first. See what comes of it. :P What do you think?
          Night all!

One day

          One day I want to jump in the car and drive far away. I'll stop when a place catches my fancy. And when I want I'll just jump back into my car and drive until I find some other place. I'll travel around until one day I come across a place that draws me in and says I'm home.

          Perhaps I need a car first.

Moving

       2-18-2013    eleven pm 
      
       Our yard looks like a half abandoned construction site. We are buying a new mobile home. So we must pack. Which includes the back deck that we only put up a year or two ago. So the whole place is a total wreck, inside and out. It took me about four or five hours to pack one box because I had to sift through what to keep and what to be rid of. And our boxes are rather pitiful. Numerous layers of duct tape should help. Should. Hopefully.
          By the way, I did find out how to change the time and date! I'll do that after I post this I believe.  I do have to go to bed soon though. English is in the morning. I'm not sure what we're going to talk about, but I wish I could sleep in.
          Well, good night!

Still here

2-16-2013  The midnight hour
          So, yes, from last time's post, you did hear correctly. My birthday was Valentine's day. :P It was. . .okay. The highlights were awesome really though. My two sleep-late brothers woke up early (as in 5am) to get donuts for breakfast before I had to go to class in the morning. We had a great time waking everyone up with our talking and laughing. After I came home from class, I helped my brother wrap his girlfriend's Valentine's gift. That was a lot of interesting fun and tape. Yes, a lot of tape. Those ribbons and bows fought us all the way through. It was a long, hard battle, but we reigned victorious in the end! My brother joked that maybe he should arrive at her house with his hair and clothes all messed up and say, "Here's you gift." And if she asked about what happened, he'd say, "Oh, you should see my sister. She's got this twitch- 'Tape. Need. More. Tape.'" So that was jolly good fun.
          And then I tried to set up my serious writer's blog. Yes, that is not going so well. :P Okay, I will be honest with you, for someone born on Valentine's day, I have never had someone special in my life. Ironic, huh? Sometimes I wish I did. I wonder what in the world God is doing up there. "Don't You know it's been twenty-one years down here? Well, yes, of course, You know, but are You. . ." God is always paying attention. He always listens and always sees. He cares for us and thinks about us even when we don't think about Him. Even when we could care less. We are still the universe on a stick to Him. He has a reason. Sometimes I have to remind myself. But He does have a reason, and I trust Him. Because with God, it's always a good reason. :)
           I was supposed to write about something else too. I had it all laid out in my head, and then. . . well, I kind of forgot. Oh, well. You know sometimes it takes effort to do more than just exist. It takes effort to be happy. It takes effort to really live. And live infectiously. So that the people around you become alive too.
          Okay, I should go now, it's 1 am exact.

And- BREATHE!

          So today was insane. Or should I say yesterday, since it's *looks at clock* 12:17 am. Wonderful. Maybe this blog should have been the Night Owl Nook. :P But hey, what's wrong with staying up late? Oh, wait, I have a morning class tomorrow. :P Well. . . that's okay. But we were talking about yesterday. Yes, I studied history (because I have test tonight), revised my English essay, jammed it out on the computer keyboard in between my Mom being on the computer for various reasons. I had to go to the college to show my professor the essay. See what I could improve, and did I need advice for the conclusion! And I still had work at four. And a shower, I had to squeeze that in somewhere too. Thing is, heh, one of the water pipes broke earlier in the day. My brother fixed it, I took a shower, and. . . just as I finished rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, the water just- disappeared! The pipe broke again, but at least I had gotten the soap out of my hair. I printed my essay, dashed out the door. I had to wait for my professor, but it was worth it. Then I had to go back home, because my family needed the car for church. So once I returned, I fed the horses and my mom drove me back into town so I could go to work. It's just been one of those days. Or was one of those days. But today. Now. Today, well, is actually my birthday. My mom and one of my brothers who also favor the owlish hours just wished me a happy birthday. But aside from that, I have class. And it just looks like another one of those days. But it promises time for guitar, oh yeah. And possibly some reading or writing. So even though it might be a little busy, I think there might some free time hiding in the corners. Speaking of hiding. I just listened to Anthem Lights new song: Hide Your Love Away. It's amazing. They have talent. Seriously. I love that they use their talent to glorify God. That's how it's supposed to be, right? :) Anyways, it's on youtube, if you (I'm talking to myself at the moment, but yeah, if I want to listen to it again, I guess I wouldn't have a problem with finding it :P) want to check it out. And yeah, I should post this so I can test the link (when I made this link, there was test link button, but. . . technology tends to goof on me. I prefer to do it manually, the way you will see it, uh, if you're reading this.)
          Hurray, the link works! Strange thing though. The time and date is completely wrong.  It's the 14th, and it's, now, 1:14 am. But I can't figure out how to fix it. See what I mean about technology? :P Oh well, it's not that important, is it?

Randomosity

    
          So I'm posting again. It's been a while. Honestly today is the first time I've been on the blog since I last posted. :P Life has been busy. I just finished studying some history. I have a test this Thursday. Hopefully I can finish studying by then. But it's not all work, I guess. I did practice guitar. : ) That was fun. Although I only know one song; I'm working on that.
         And, completely of track- you know how people either like coffee or tea? Or at least the world thinks it's an either-or issue. But I really don't drink coffee. And tea is. . . okay. With enough sugar. And as long as it's not green tea. Or iced tea. So me? I really prefer chocolate milk. I know, it's a little kid beverage in a way. But it's good, and it has calcium.
         And now to talk about something else. . . like. *sighs* I don't know. I'm talking to myself any ways. One day I won't be. Won't that be nice?
         I do have work tomorrow night. Work is okay. I'm glad I have a job, and it's not a bad job. But it can be kind of boring. :P It has a lot of down time, and honestly I'd rather do something else. But I have a job and that's good.
        And an English essay! I have to finish it tomorrow. Or at least semi-finish. It took a while for me to sort my thoughts on the topic I choose. It took me writing about a different topic for me to be able to focus on the topic I wanted to write about. I guess I was just too close and needed to take a step back from what I was looking at. But the first draft is out, and now for the easier part: editing. I love editing. It's so much better than bringing nothing into existence. When you edit, you already have something to work with. And with my writing, I love to take something so raw and flimsy and turn it into something beautiful and strong. Something that can make a difference one day. Like when God took a pile of dirt, shaped and sculpted. And then He breathed into it. Dirt. Have you ever blown at dirt? It kind of just scatters into the air, right? Well, this dirt breathed back! Breathed back God's breathe and became a living being. A person. Something alive and beautiful. From dirt. Isn't God just amazing, that He could do something like that? That He would think to do something like that? He spoke everything into existence, but He spent time on us. And we are a miracle of His. And everyday miracle. They're not as rare as I usually think.
         So that was a little nothing for you. Or me, considering that no one is probably reading this yet.
         Yet.
         It's okay. I'm still trying to figure out how to put up a followers sidebar. or whatever it's called. Heh, I'm still figuring out a lot of things.