Guess what? No school tomorrow!! There was a smallish ice storm, so I am excited. :)
I don't really know what to talk about. School has its fits sometimes. It gets sour, good, worse, up and down and over again. Too many people. Too many problems. Too much sadness that is taken as normal life. Right now in choir we are working on choreography for our spring musical. That is. . . interesting. I'm not an outgoing person. I don't like being up on stage, acting crazy. So I'm definitely out of my comfort zone. But maybe out of my comfort zone is a good thing sometimes.
I've been thinking a lot lately. And, you know something? I think I think too much.
No really. I need to start trusting God more. To just let Him do what He wants in me. To stop worrying about where He's taking me and enjoy the journey. To stop worrying about what people think of me and how they see me react, and just be myself. Why is it hard to not be myself around everyone, everywhere? It makes no sense. You'd think being yourself would be the most natural thing in the world. Reality doesn't always make sense. Sometimes I think it would be easier if it did.
But if reality was always logical and rational, there'd be no such thing as grace. Nothing like compassion. And forget love. Real love is impossible to fathom with your head. So it makes no sense. But it's more livable-friendly.
I really want to practice guitar right now. Night all!
3/02/2014
1/22/2014
a new semester
I spent a weekend with my friend, Chelsee. We had a lot of fun. Talking about music, Anthem Lights, watching music videos and Julian Smith TV. Yeah, that was the first time I've ever seen the latter, but it was pretty hilarious. Maybe I'll post a video sometime.
This is her doing a cover of Anthem Lights' Follow Your Heart. Pretty awesome, hm?
I also got a new guitar! Yay! Maybe I mentioned that before. . . I can't remember now. I'll get some pictures up soon.
School has gotten harder, but I can tell my professor is trying to ease us into it. She always tries to do that. I guess she doesn't want us to freak out, feel too overwhelmed and give up altogehter. The only people allowed in the music classes are music majors. I think that's a little too limiting, but I guess they want to teach the people who are serious about learning music. Still. So our class was smallish to begin with. Maybe ten, eleven people, or so. Now I think there's only six or seven of us.
Honestly, I'm still so unsure as to why I'm here doing this. Music. I love it. I promise that. But I'm not sure what I will do with a music degree. Everybody asks me what I want to do. I'm not sure. I just know I really enjoy what I'm learning. I wish I knew the answers to their questions. But for now, all I can say is I want to do what God wants me to do. I want to be where He is, where He leads me. If He wants me to continue with music as my major, I'll do so. If He wants me to switch again, I'll do so. If He wants me to stop going to college altogether, then so be it. Wherever God is, that's where you'll find me.
I still get frustrated with myself because I have no idea where I'm going. I still worry about the future sometimes. Recently, I've trying hard to give it to God. To take it one day at a time and just honor Him in everything. That is so difficult sometimes. A lot of the times. But God has a plan. And I should leave the details to Him. He'll let me know what I need to know when I need to know it.
Oh, we are going to see Skillet at the Rock and Worship Road show this Friday! I can't wait. Jamie Grace will be there too. I really enjoyed seeing her at Celebrate Freedom.
I'll go now. Have a good week.
Switchfoot's The Sound
This is her doing a cover of Anthem Lights' Follow Your Heart. Pretty awesome, hm?
I also got a new guitar! Yay! Maybe I mentioned that before. . . I can't remember now. I'll get some pictures up soon.
School has gotten harder, but I can tell my professor is trying to ease us into it. She always tries to do that. I guess she doesn't want us to freak out, feel too overwhelmed and give up altogehter. The only people allowed in the music classes are music majors. I think that's a little too limiting, but I guess they want to teach the people who are serious about learning music. Still. So our class was smallish to begin with. Maybe ten, eleven people, or so. Now I think there's only six or seven of us.
Honestly, I'm still so unsure as to why I'm here doing this. Music. I love it. I promise that. But I'm not sure what I will do with a music degree. Everybody asks me what I want to do. I'm not sure. I just know I really enjoy what I'm learning. I wish I knew the answers to their questions. But for now, all I can say is I want to do what God wants me to do. I want to be where He is, where He leads me. If He wants me to continue with music as my major, I'll do so. If He wants me to switch again, I'll do so. If He wants me to stop going to college altogether, then so be it. Wherever God is, that's where you'll find me.
I still get frustrated with myself because I have no idea where I'm going. I still worry about the future sometimes. Recently, I've trying hard to give it to God. To take it one day at a time and just honor Him in everything. That is so difficult sometimes. A lot of the times. But God has a plan. And I should leave the details to Him. He'll let me know what I need to know when I need to know it.
Oh, we are going to see Skillet at the Rock and Worship Road show this Friday! I can't wait. Jamie Grace will be there too. I really enjoyed seeing her at Celebrate Freedom.
I'll go now. Have a good week.
Switchfoot's The Sound
1/09/2014
still here
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Everything came at once and then- winter break! Break, yes. But of course the space of free time was rarely free. It got filled with work. Bleh.
But that's okay.
I got a classical guitar! Yay! I'm very excited. I want to take some pictures soon and post them. I just haven't had a chance. I'm actually supposed to practicing now. But then I was scouring youtube for what songs sound like, and how to play this or that. We have slow internet. And I get distracted easily.
So I'm here.
I've been trying to read tabs for You Are My Hope by Skillet. So far I have the intro. . . Yeah, that's good. The intro and the verses are the same though. *cough* So maybe, reading tabs is a new to me still. I want to look at some Switchfoot songs too. I'm just afraid they'll be too hard for me. Especially the tabs.
Here's some songs that've been stuck in my head for the past couple of months.
Learning to Breathe by Switchfoot. The music is fun. But I really like the lyrics. Especially the chorus and bridge.
Playing for Keeps by Switchfoot. I really don't let go of things very well. Whether I want to or not. Like it's in my nature to hold on and never let go.
The Loser by Switchfoot. Learning to Breathe used to be my favorite off this album, but now it's The Loser. I love the music. Lately, I've been seeing more and more how being a Christian has to do with laying down your rights. Sure, you might have a right to hold a grudge, you have a right to hurt someone because they hurt you first, you have a right to walk away, to not care, to say something ugly. Everyone does it. But God wants us to lay down on our rights and love instead, just like He does. And love? Love is a sacrifice, it makes you vulnerable to being hurt. Yet it still loves through and after the pain. That's what real love is, God's love. And the world doesn't get that. To the world, it's stupid. People who do that are idiots. They wear themselves out for nothing. And turning the other cheek? It's a foreign language to the world, to the people around me. But it's the language I speak. The language of God's love.
In general, I'm used to letting people step on me, overlook me, think I'm stupid or shallow just because I'm shy and don't talk much. And I've often realized that it's so true that I'm speaking a different language. But sometimes, I do get fed up with it. I get tired of them assuming I'm stupid. That I don't know what they just did to me. That I don't know they're snickering about me behind my back. And sometimes this song helps me remember that's its okay to be the loser.
Maybe sometimes I let people think I'm stupid. I play dumb on occasion, mostly out of sarcasm. Of course, only I understand the sarcasm behind the dumb act, because they don't see it. They fall for it. It's kind of funny that they really think that I don't understand what they're saying to me. But sometimes, I wish that they did understand. That they really saw. But they don't and they won't. They don't care enough to get that close. I don't have to play dumb. Sometimes I question if I should or not. But it's easier than trying to be close friends with them. I know that sounds bad. But it's the truth.
And so maybe playing dumb, is kind of my mask? Because even though I do try to love. You get hurt so easily that way. Like I said, real love leaves you wide open to all kinds of hurt. Maybe playing dumb is a way to distance myself from everyone else. From them and the potential pain. To keep from getting to close.
It doesn't sound like a good thing. I didn't realize that I even had a mask. I mean, I know I'm shy and people don't see me for me right off. But still I didn't even think that maybe my playing dumb was a mask. Hiding behind what they expect of me instead of letting them see who I really am.
I didn't even mean for this post to go in this direction. I would never have realized this if I had not written it.
Hm, I guess I have some thinking to do.
But that's okay.
I got a classical guitar! Yay! I'm very excited. I want to take some pictures soon and post them. I just haven't had a chance. I'm actually supposed to practicing now. But then I was scouring youtube for what songs sound like, and how to play this or that. We have slow internet. And I get distracted easily.
So I'm here.
I've been trying to read tabs for You Are My Hope by Skillet. So far I have the intro. . . Yeah, that's good. The intro and the verses are the same though. *cough* So maybe, reading tabs is a new to me still. I want to look at some Switchfoot songs too. I'm just afraid they'll be too hard for me. Especially the tabs.
Here's some songs that've been stuck in my head for the past couple of months.
Playing for Keeps by Switchfoot. I really don't let go of things very well. Whether I want to or not. Like it's in my nature to hold on and never let go.
The Loser by Switchfoot. Learning to Breathe used to be my favorite off this album, but now it's The Loser. I love the music. Lately, I've been seeing more and more how being a Christian has to do with laying down your rights. Sure, you might have a right to hold a grudge, you have a right to hurt someone because they hurt you first, you have a right to walk away, to not care, to say something ugly. Everyone does it. But God wants us to lay down on our rights and love instead, just like He does. And love? Love is a sacrifice, it makes you vulnerable to being hurt. Yet it still loves through and after the pain. That's what real love is, God's love. And the world doesn't get that. To the world, it's stupid. People who do that are idiots. They wear themselves out for nothing. And turning the other cheek? It's a foreign language to the world, to the people around me. But it's the language I speak. The language of God's love.
In general, I'm used to letting people step on me, overlook me, think I'm stupid or shallow just because I'm shy and don't talk much. And I've often realized that it's so true that I'm speaking a different language. But sometimes, I do get fed up with it. I get tired of them assuming I'm stupid. That I don't know what they just did to me. That I don't know they're snickering about me behind my back. And sometimes this song helps me remember that's its okay to be the loser.
Maybe sometimes I let people think I'm stupid. I play dumb on occasion, mostly out of sarcasm. Of course, only I understand the sarcasm behind the dumb act, because they don't see it. They fall for it. It's kind of funny that they really think that I don't understand what they're saying to me. But sometimes, I wish that they did understand. That they really saw. But they don't and they won't. They don't care enough to get that close. I don't have to play dumb. Sometimes I question if I should or not. But it's easier than trying to be close friends with them. I know that sounds bad. But it's the truth.
And so maybe playing dumb, is kind of my mask? Because even though I do try to love. You get hurt so easily that way. Like I said, real love leaves you wide open to all kinds of hurt. Maybe playing dumb is a way to distance myself from everyone else. From them and the potential pain. To keep from getting to close.
It doesn't sound like a good thing. I didn't realize that I even had a mask. I mean, I know I'm shy and people don't see me for me right off. But still I didn't even think that maybe my playing dumb was a mask. Hiding behind what they expect of me instead of letting them see who I really am.
I didn't even mean for this post to go in this direction. I would never have realized this if I had not written it.
Hm, I guess I have some thinking to do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)