Did you know-
Anthem Lights will have a new album out soon?! No, I don't know the exact date. But the fact that they are. Original music by Anthem Lights. Yay!
Did you know-
They're also coming out with/ or already have come out with a second Covers album? That's pretty awesome too. :)
Did you know-
That I really don't know any of these release dates because the only way I even know this stuff is because I 'like' them on Facebook? Heh, I'm not on Facebook very often. (Who came up with the term 'like'? It sounds so ridiculous.)
Did you know-
For King & Country is also preparing album numero two?! I absolutely cannot wait, people! They are actually playing in Round Rock, TX this Saturday. Unfortunately, I will probably not be there. But I hope they have a great time in Texas anyhow. I've been listening to them a lot lately. And Switchfoot.
But for now, I'm waiting for the computer to load some Anthem Lights songs.
That's all for today. Consider yourself updated. Well, half updated. . . since, um, I'm didn't give you all the information. *cough* Sorry. :D
10/29/2013
10/23/2013
Too much at once
My guitar instructor says I'm doing really well. Even though I would disagree with him. I think it surprised him that I had one of the estudios and its dynamics memorized. It's a shorter piece though, and memorizing it is way easier than reading the notes every time I try to play. The duet thing is getting better. Heh, I'm still the one making all the mistakes.
I've only been playing guitar for a about a year though. Maye I'm being a little hard on myself. I'll admit, I never thought I'd be playing classical guitar this time last year. I wouldn't have thought I could do this. That I could be a music major.
I've been questioning if I should be majoring in music. I thought God wanted (should I be saying 'wants'?) me to. Should I be questioning myself? I feel like no one really believes that I can do it. They're all just waiting for me to realize it and say that maybe it's not for me after all. Am I just question myself because everyone else is? Or do I need to be questioning myself?
Sometimes I feel like I'm the one behind everyone else. Everyone moves on with life and achieves things before I'm ever even close to the same stage. I'm the one everyone leaves behind.
It doesn't help that a friend from work is leaving work now. Probably leaving town. He moves around a lot in general. I'll miss him.
It makes me think about how much I've been wanting to look for a new job recently. And how much I'd rather not be here. In this town. At this college. It makes me feel even more restless than I already am.
It has nothing to do with my family and friends. I love them so much. And I'll miss them all when one day I move away.
A while ago, I felt empty and drained. I needed to spend more time with God. It was like I felt numb to Him, His love, and to other people. So I prayed about it. And now everywhere I turn, I see people hurting and lonely and in pain. I'm sad for them; I hurt for them. I asked God to let me feel something, and now I feel the sorrows of all the world. I don't know what to do with it all, except pray for them.
And the more I see, the more restless I feel.
I know none of this seems connected. But somehow it is. Maybe it's only connected because it's all going on in one individual. How can so much go on in one person? I feel like I'm not doing anything right.
I talked to God about my restlessness. "Am I where You want me to be?"
For some reason, I could just see Him smiling at me in that all-knowing way of His. Not patronizing. Lovingly. Like He knows it's all going to work out and He loves me even when I'm so confused and frustrated with myself.
It was like He said, "You are exactly where I want you to be right now."
And I said, "What? Where do You mean? At school? In music? At work? In this town? In seeing everyone's pain and hurting for them and loving them anyways? In my feeling of restlessness?"
He just kept smiling and said, "In everything."
Honestly, a part of me is still a little frustrated. "Why do You have to be so vague?" But then there's a part of me that truly is comforted by that. Maybe, maybe I'm doing something right. Somehow, I'm where God wants me even if it doesn't feel like it. If there's one thing I've learned, sometimes, most of the time, feelings are scheming liars. Truth is something you know. It's not something you feel.
I really like this song by Switchfoot. With this feeling of restlessness, I've realized that the only restless feeling I have that is based on something I know, that I know, that I know. Something so true. It's that the only thing worth living for in this life is God. Being restless to know my Jesus more each day, to become closer to Him, and the hope of standing right beside Him and seeing Him face to face, that is the only stable thing in life. God is the only stable thing I need.
I've only been playing guitar for a about a year though. Maye I'm being a little hard on myself. I'll admit, I never thought I'd be playing classical guitar this time last year. I wouldn't have thought I could do this. That I could be a music major.
I've been questioning if I should be majoring in music. I thought God wanted (should I be saying 'wants'?) me to. Should I be questioning myself? I feel like no one really believes that I can do it. They're all just waiting for me to realize it and say that maybe it's not for me after all. Am I just question myself because everyone else is? Or do I need to be questioning myself?
Sometimes I feel like I'm the one behind everyone else. Everyone moves on with life and achieves things before I'm ever even close to the same stage. I'm the one everyone leaves behind.
It doesn't help that a friend from work is leaving work now. Probably leaving town. He moves around a lot in general. I'll miss him.
It makes me think about how much I've been wanting to look for a new job recently. And how much I'd rather not be here. In this town. At this college. It makes me feel even more restless than I already am.
It has nothing to do with my family and friends. I love them so much. And I'll miss them all when one day I move away.
A while ago, I felt empty and drained. I needed to spend more time with God. It was like I felt numb to Him, His love, and to other people. So I prayed about it. And now everywhere I turn, I see people hurting and lonely and in pain. I'm sad for them; I hurt for them. I asked God to let me feel something, and now I feel the sorrows of all the world. I don't know what to do with it all, except pray for them.
And the more I see, the more restless I feel.
I know none of this seems connected. But somehow it is. Maybe it's only connected because it's all going on in one individual. How can so much go on in one person? I feel like I'm not doing anything right.
I talked to God about my restlessness. "Am I where You want me to be?"
For some reason, I could just see Him smiling at me in that all-knowing way of His. Not patronizing. Lovingly. Like He knows it's all going to work out and He loves me even when I'm so confused and frustrated with myself.
It was like He said, "You are exactly where I want you to be right now."
And I said, "What? Where do You mean? At school? In music? At work? In this town? In seeing everyone's pain and hurting for them and loving them anyways? In my feeling of restlessness?"
He just kept smiling and said, "In everything."
Honestly, a part of me is still a little frustrated. "Why do You have to be so vague?" But then there's a part of me that truly is comforted by that. Maybe, maybe I'm doing something right. Somehow, I'm where God wants me even if it doesn't feel like it. If there's one thing I've learned, sometimes, most of the time, feelings are scheming liars. Truth is something you know. It's not something you feel.
I really like this song by Switchfoot. With this feeling of restlessness, I've realized that the only restless feeling I have that is based on something I know, that I know, that I know. Something so true. It's that the only thing worth living for in this life is God. Being restless to know my Jesus more each day, to become closer to Him, and the hope of standing right beside Him and seeing Him face to face, that is the only stable thing in life. God is the only stable thing I need.
10/17/2013
School
I've been feeling really defeated recently.
I have no idea what I'm doing in choir.
My guitar instructor has me reading notes and playing a duet with someone. Yeah, it's not going to well. For me. But the other guy is good.
I stink at Ear Training and I've been trying so hard to get better. And nothing seems to work. Intervals and melodic dictation hate me. I understand intervals in theory, but I can always tell them apart when listening to them. Minor 2nds and Major 2nds are easy. Normally I can get the minor and Major 3rds. The perfects sound alike, though I can distinguish bewteen octaves at least half the time. The rest: over my head. Let's just not talk about melodic dictation.
We're supposed to have a sight-singing quiz soon too.
I really love being a music major. I enjoy learning about music. I don't know if I could go back to being an English major. But it's really hard.
I have no idea what I'm doing in choir.
My guitar instructor has me reading notes and playing a duet with someone. Yeah, it's not going to well. For me. But the other guy is good.
I stink at Ear Training and I've been trying so hard to get better. And nothing seems to work. Intervals and melodic dictation hate me. I understand intervals in theory, but I can always tell them apart when listening to them. Minor 2nds and Major 2nds are easy. Normally I can get the minor and Major 3rds. The perfects sound alike, though I can distinguish bewteen octaves at least half the time. The rest: over my head. Let's just not talk about melodic dictation.
We're supposed to have a sight-singing quiz soon too.
I really love being a music major. I enjoy learning about music. I don't know if I could go back to being an English major. But it's really hard.
10/11/2013
love and brokenness
Everyone is broken. It doesn't matter if someone's brokenness seems less dramatic than another person's. They're still broken.
Because everyone longs to be loved and wants to give love. But we're human. We mess up. We don't know the right way to love. But we try anyways with broken people left in our wake.
We try so hard and search forever. But the only One who can show us how to love rightly, is also the only One who can satisfy our longing to be loved. He is the origin of real love. He's also the only One most people reject their whole life.
We want love. But we don't want to give in. Because we've been broken so many times before by false love.
We don't have to afraid of God's love though. It's the real thing.Everyone is.
10/09/2013
just the normal stuff. . . sort of
I keep disappearing. :P
Heh, I have a lot more studying to do this week. My guitar instructor is teaching me how to read music notes for the guitar. That's scary. And hard. And now I have to read sheet music for a duet. Ugh.
If I mess up by myself, that's one thing. But if someone else is in the mix and needs me to get it right too. . . Hello, pressure.
I've been doing this 30 day song challenge at my other blog. You post a different song every day for thirty days. The hard part is the every day part. You can check out here if you'd like.
When I finish doing it at [insert title here], I'll probably do it here at Life's Insanity with different songs.
The first choir concert is this Friday. And I'm on the front row. That's a little nerve-racking. But at least we're standing in our sections. That helps.
Heh, I have a lot more studying to do this week. My guitar instructor is teaching me how to read music notes for the guitar. That's scary. And hard. And now I have to read sheet music for a duet. Ugh.
If I mess up by myself, that's one thing. But if someone else is in the mix and needs me to get it right too. . . Hello, pressure.
I've been doing this 30 day song challenge at my other blog. You post a different song every day for thirty days. The hard part is the every day part. You can check out here if you'd like.
When I finish doing it at [insert title here], I'll probably do it here at Life's Insanity with different songs.
The first choir concert is this Friday. And I'm on the front row. That's a little nerve-racking. But at least we're standing in our sections. That helps.
Thank You God for today. For second chances. For third chances. For loving us despite ourselves. For loving us even when we don't love You back. You are so humble, so strong. Nothing can break Your love. You give life and hope. Thank You.
10/04/2013
'Give this life away'
But I don't know. I haven't been spending enough time with God. I try. I read my Bible in the morning. I try to really think about what I've read and how it applies to me today. But sometimes I feel so drained and empty. So far away.
And then I wonder what I'm doing anything for. Why have goals? Why try to accomplish something? Because I can't accomplish anything of worth outside of God. The biggest and best accomplishment is living for Him. Even if nobody knows (though somebody would if I really am living for Him), He knows and that's what matters.
God is the only one worth living for. I just feel far from Him right now. I need to refocus on Him.
By the way this Anthem Lights' new song soon to be in their second album! Excitement all around, right?
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