But that's okay.
I got a classical guitar! Yay! I'm very excited. I want to take some pictures soon and post them. I just haven't had a chance. I'm actually supposed to practicing now. But then I was scouring youtube for what songs sound like, and how to play this or that. We have slow internet. And I get distracted easily.
So I'm here.
I've been trying to read tabs for You Are My Hope by Skillet. So far I have the intro. . . Yeah, that's good. The intro and the verses are the same though. *cough* So maybe, reading tabs is a new to me still. I want to look at some Switchfoot songs too. I'm just afraid they'll be too hard for me. Especially the tabs.
Here's some songs that've been stuck in my head for the past couple of months.
Playing for Keeps by Switchfoot. I really don't let go of things very well. Whether I want to or not. Like it's in my nature to hold on and never let go.
The Loser by Switchfoot. Learning to Breathe used to be my favorite off this album, but now it's The Loser. I love the music. Lately, I've been seeing more and more how being a Christian has to do with laying down your rights. Sure, you might have a right to hold a grudge, you have a right to hurt someone because they hurt you first, you have a right to walk away, to not care, to say something ugly. Everyone does it. But God wants us to lay down on our rights and love instead, just like He does. And love? Love is a sacrifice, it makes you vulnerable to being hurt. Yet it still loves through and after the pain. That's what real love is, God's love. And the world doesn't get that. To the world, it's stupid. People who do that are idiots. They wear themselves out for nothing. And turning the other cheek? It's a foreign language to the world, to the people around me. But it's the language I speak. The language of God's love.
In general, I'm used to letting people step on me, overlook me, think I'm stupid or shallow just because I'm shy and don't talk much. And I've often realized that it's so true that I'm speaking a different language. But sometimes, I do get fed up with it. I get tired of them assuming I'm stupid. That I don't know what they just did to me. That I don't know they're snickering about me behind my back. And sometimes this song helps me remember that's its okay to be the loser.
Maybe sometimes I let people think I'm stupid. I play dumb on occasion, mostly out of sarcasm. Of course, only I understand the sarcasm behind the dumb act, because they don't see it. They fall for it. It's kind of funny that they really think that I don't understand what they're saying to me. But sometimes, I wish that they did understand. That they really saw. But they don't and they won't. They don't care enough to get that close. I don't have to play dumb. Sometimes I question if I should or not. But it's easier than trying to be close friends with them. I know that sounds bad. But it's the truth.
And so maybe playing dumb, is kind of my mask? Because even though I do try to love. You get hurt so easily that way. Like I said, real love leaves you wide open to all kinds of hurt. Maybe playing dumb is a way to distance myself from everyone else. From them and the potential pain. To keep from getting to close.
It doesn't sound like a good thing. I didn't realize that I even had a mask. I mean, I know I'm shy and people don't see me for me right off. But still I didn't even think that maybe my playing dumb was a mask. Hiding behind what they expect of me instead of letting them see who I really am.
I didn't even mean for this post to go in this direction. I would never have realized this if I had not written it.
Hm, I guess I have some thinking to do.
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