the effects of a busy life

2-20-2013     9:37p
      
         I'm tired. And I feel run down.
         I did get to go to church tonight! That was good. :) I usually have work on Wednesday nights, but I was scheduled earlier in the day. I'm so glad. And I got my b-day gift. Sssh. I hope he likes it. I actually picked something out for him instead of getting him a gift card. If he doesn't like it, he can always exchange it. But you can't say I didn't try. I also filled the car with gas. Not all the way. That would have been extremely expensive. But I did put something in it. I was trying to be all secretive and nice-thing-to-do-while-nobody's-looking and, and my mom just had to ask, "Did you put gas in the car?" You can't get anything by her. It's like a sixth sense of hers or something. If there's a surprised to be spoiled, she's sure to uncover it. But it wasn't all disappointment. It is kind of nice to be noticed sometimes.
        At church someone brought their puppy. He was so cute. :) I held him in the back throughout the whole lesson. He shook at first. But then he sniffed my face and licked me a bit and that seemed to calm him down. That and it was rather cold. What do I mean 'was'? It IS cold. Anyways. Then he fell asleep in my arms. Sometimes I wish someone would hold me and I could fall asleep in their arms.
         I suppose I do have someone. God holds me every night. It's actually a really beautiful thing to know when I really think about it and let it set in. I'll be honest though, sometimes it doesn't feel like He's holding me and loving me all the way. And, you know what? Sometimes I need to tell my feelings to go drown. Because feelings are the largest liars on the face of this planet. It doesn't matter if I don't feel God with me. He's here with me and everyone whether we feel Him or not. And knowing it, that He is all I need, that He will be everything I need, that He will never leave me behind or alone, that He will cry with me, He will laugh with me, He will find some way to make me smile when I feel down, He makes the very sun rise for us. That is a knowledge truer than any feeling and it gives a peace that overwhelms both understanding and emotions. God's carrying me. And He will carry you through whatever you're going through. If only you let Him. That's the hard part. Letting Him. Hard for me at least.